sharpest_nail

My first protest

2006-10-31T02:19:22Z

Happy News...

Fred Phelps is coming to my church this Sunday to protest. HAHAHA!

Fred Phelps-the freak who is protesting military funerals...and this "Christian" is coming to my church to protest us. Is that not funny? If you're free next Sunday you can come to my church and face fred phelps

Son of a bitch

2006-09-14T15:46:14Z

I was carded yesterday.

Was I buying alcohol?
no.
Cigarettes?
nope

What else could I have been bought???

A movie ticket! I was shocked....hurt... and I made the kid feel horrible... I was offended.

btw.. DO NOT see Hollywood Land. It sucks.

sharpest_nail @ 2006-08-01T15:36:00

2006-08-01T21:06:00Z

It is 104 outside. No joke. It's fucking hot. I grew up in Southern Illinois, I loved it when I was a child, and I do enjoy living down here. Good school, nice people, and the humidity. Ya gotta love it. When I was younger I was very involved in my (my family) church. First Baptist Church of Marion, IL. The largest, best, and popular church in Southern Illinois. (I am not kidding) There I learned about God and made lots of friends. I also shopped at 'the mall'. My mother and I would go every Saturday and buy a new outfit, I also did their annual modeling shows. So I know the mall and I know Christians. Twelve years of it.

Coming back after so many years I was excited to work at the mall and even more excited to be apart of a church family.

NOthing is ever what you remember. Things change and so do people. I now work at the mall and I do not go to church. The mall is a fake. Each day I am judged (and so is everyone else) by the mean elderly women. The gossip and two-faced side of people comes to life. The college kids don't care about their job because we are only there part-time, thank God. The women who are single mothers and in their 20's, 30's, and 40's hate you because you are doing something with your life and the mall is just a job to pay tutition and rent. (Which is not fair, because I'm working my ass off and many other people trying to go to school and losers can go for free who spend all their money on drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes! Fuck the system.) And the old women. Who like to slander and gossip because they are old and sad. The managers who are all big lesbians (nothing wrong with that) who have dated each other. Eat some pussy get a promotion! YOu don't have to be good at your job, just kiss ass and you'll get ahead! NO! That is what happened in Springfield...and I thought for sure people who are successful and actually have talent, know their jobs will win. I am now realizing, it's a lie. Just kiss some ass, you'll be ok. NO! I will not do that. I refuse. I will compliment, I will be nice, but I will never kiss anyone's ass to get ahead. The best part is you don't need a college degree. Nicole has a degree and they will not hire her. I told her go gay and she'll be store manager, she says it's not worth it.

One down...one to go...my job is a fraud.

Oh, now this is the good part. I am going to say this....as a Christian. And this goes out to "Christians": All of you are quick to judge and do not forgive. All of you people are giving me a bad rep. I realize no one is perfect, but come on! People watch you. You sit there and preach to us about judging other people and being nice, treating others the way you want to be treated? Read your Bible. Go to church. How about you listen to the preaching instead of worrying about what your family looks like. Look around you! And do not preach to me. I don't care who you are. You do not have to do that! And when you find out that someone doesn't believe in God, just shut up and listen to them. Have a conversation and don't go Joyce Meyer on people. The churches are not that great down here. Yeah, there are a lot of Southern Baptist Churches, but everyone is quick to judge. Ok...I have a tattoo. So what? You have lied once in your life. A sin is a sin. Get over it. It's my body NOT yours. And I do not have to answer to you. I have to answer for myself and I will do that when the day comes. I have sex. I'm not married. So what? I didn't want to wait until I was married. (Have you seen Sex and the City?) Again my choice. Everyone has made mistakes some larger than others, but I'm not pointing out yours, so please do not point out mine. (This is stranger to stranger....a friend to a friend is different, you have a small right to voice your concerns or opinions) That is why I'm not going to any particular church at the moment. My choice and I'm happy with it. I still read my Bible.

The believers in my religion are a fraud. (Not all, but most)

sharpest_nail @ 2006-05-14T19:30:00

2006-05-08T16:52:04Z

I went to St Louis this weekend. After many phone calls and my mother trying to convince me for an hour, I went. I was afraid to go, because I know Alisha and I didn't know if her friends would be like her. Thankfully, they are nothing like her.

There were four of us who went. We drove Alisha's car and I was forced to sit in the back of her very small and uncomfortable mustang. My neck and legs still hurt from the two hour drive. So it was me, Alisha, alisha's new fling, Andy and Andy's roommate and birthday boy- Ryan.

The nice thing about the guys down here, they care. They allow girls to go before them, they open doors, pull out chairs, give up the bed, pay...they know how to treat a woman. Which some guys do when your dating them, but they are just friends. Nice.

Ryan found this amazing place to eat. Amazing. When i walked inside I thought I was in New York. We had a private room......great wine.....fantastic steaks.....and live entertainment. IT was this overweight black guy singing jazz...and mostly Ray Charles music. It was perfect. We left and drove to the arch and sat by the river and talked. Ryan was a lot of fun to talk to- Aub, you would like him. He's not your type, but he's smart, funny, has lots of money, and has traveled around the world. You two would have a blast together. Trust me. (Nothing like most of your past boy friends) haha.

We ended up at this ice cream place where all of the prom kids were. We got our pictures with them, it seemed like the right thing to do.

The next morning we went to the arch and walked around. Best 24hr trip I've ever had. I will be visiting again.

So....I hate homeless people. I hate them. I never give them money, except for the guy who was in New York, his sign said: "I'm not gonna lie- I need a beer." IT made me laugh and I gave him some money, but other than that I DO NOT give money to people like that. Until yesterday. My mother convinced me that I needed to give an offering, maybe God would help me out and somehow give me some more money for school in the fall. There was a man at an intersection and I gave him $20.00. yeah. That's a lot to give to someone begging for money. When I handed it to him he asked me, "Are you sure you want to give this to me?" I said, "yes. God bless, it's my offering." And he said thank you and ran off...probably to buy some vodka and cigarettes. Then I got gas and it was exactly $20.00, and I had to use my card. A few hours later I got a call and my fall semester is paid for. Crazy huh?

The deal is I can if I quit smoking. I don't understand. Everything revolves around my smoking....just about everything. Who knows what will happen. I hate to say I'm gonna quit, because what if I fail? I'm tired of looking like an idoit who cannot follow through with her plans. None of my friends smoke and I don't think they know that I smoke, they probably do...I mean the smell! hello?! I think I might try. I'm sorry Aub. Maybe we could try?

Alyssa Kulpa: My written advice, now you cannot forget it. Print it out and carry it with you always

2006-04-24T16:30:38Z

I remember saying that I didn't have any insecure girl friends, and I was very proud of that fact. This fact is now false. Because I consider Alyssa a friend of mine.

This weekend I have experienced the insecurities of my two friends....it doesn't effect their looks or personality, but their confidence with guys. Not even confidence, their obsession.

It is very sad. I have been in their situation and many other people have also, many being my friends. Most have not overcome, but some have-congrats!

NOw Alyssa. Alyssa still claims she's a virgin. Which I highly doubt and countless others in our circle, but we go along with it. Poor butterface. haha. She works with this guy and he's 26. He's very attractive. Alyssa's type, hot- but a total ass. They have had conversations when they discuss what their children would look like and she is hard core flirting with him. Meaning, she's saying obscene things that get him very excited and she doesn't deliver. Now she doesn't know what to do. Oh yeah, and since she just went on the pill, she's really horny.. (Which I have heard every day for the last two weeks)

I'm going to type this, this is for Alyssa and any other girls who are going through this.

This guy is a loser. He is one of those freaky servers that gets older and loves to date high school girls, because they never change. Trust me, I've seen Waiting and a few other movies.

He is a waste of your time.
He just wants to fuck you. Which is great if you want that, but I don't think you do, since you want to lose your 'virginity' with a special guy at the "special" moment, which by the way- never happens.
He probably has bets on you with the other male servers.
It is a game.
You wonder why you start to like these kinds of guys? (who just want to fuck you? And just think you're so fucking hot??) You're a cock tease.
The guys you 'like' are all about looks and so are you.....and either are not smart or don't want a smart girl.
If you want a real boyfriend, do NOT go after that. Your looks will not stay with you forever...one day you will get old and have kids and everything that is perfect now will be saggin and draggin.

That is my advice. I have told you before and this is it. I will not listen to you ramble on about this problem or any others that are closely related to this subject. If you are not willing to change your expectations you will marry an ass and be divorced shortly after your marriage. I love you and I do NOT want this to happen to you, but if you continue the way you are it will.

Oh yeah...and I don't know what I want to name my kids, someone should not be thinking about that right now......and I don't know where I'm going to be living in ten years....AND I do not know who is going to be the best mom out of our friends......who thinks about this shit?! I still love you. Just...I don't know. Change. Please... your making us girls look horrible.

sharpest_nail @ 2006-04-21T14:07:00

2006-04-21T19:25:04Z

I have next weekend off...I'm thinking of going home and surprising DJ by coming to the opening night to his show...but it costs sooooooo much....and it's such a dull drive......I'm still thinking.

Things happening right now:

I swear if Alyssa Kulpa calls me another time telling me how horny she is I'm going to hire an escort for her. In truth, I really don't know how or why we are still friends, but we are. We're always better friends if we live at least 5 hours away from each other. hahaha. I talk to her at least once a day, scary.

My job at Dillard's kicks ass. I really enjoy my job. But...I have found a few things wrong with it:

1. I DO NOT want to touch nasty deformed feet.

2. Just because you're really fat and cannot put on your own shoes DOES NOT mean I should have to. (I only get paid $10/hr well, plus commission)

3. Once again...I am 6'1''. So what! In Norway, that is the average height for women. Seriously I'm SO fucking tired of being told how tall I am. I FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!! FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And when you are representing a shoe company and make fun of me b/c my foot is 'off the charts' FUCK YOU. I wear a size 12...SO WHAT????!!!! I'm tall, I have to have big feet to hold me up, I would look weird if I didn't!

4. Just buy the shoes. Don't debate, you either want them or you don't. It's easy
And the last one....The best one...

5. Woman:"I will only buy shoes that are made in America. I will only buy shoes made by christians." HAHAHAHA. ME:"The United States? Ah...we don't have anything..."

Lady, most things made in the US suck. AND the US is at least 5 years behind the rest of the world in most things, especially shoes. AND...you know what...I'm not going to say it.

I like my job. I meet a lot of crazy people- you know, the kind of people who say things and leave you speechless. I meet a lot of them.

I have found one thing to be so interesting...when I'm selling a pair of shoes all I have to say is, ohh...this style was in Vogue this month...The people eat it up. Even old women. And I'm not making it up. I know.

My mom woke me up and told me that William discovered baseball. The first baseball he hit, he got a home run. So now he's on a team. And his nickname is Slugger. hahahaha. Well, at least one of us is good at sports.

Another internship!!!!!!! *Fingers crossed!

2006-04-06T20:01:51Z

I had a special orientation for Dillard's today. (I had class yesterday so this woman came in on her day off and gave me the new-hire orientation) Donna, was a lot of fun. We had a good time exchanging horror stories of retail, I'm proud to say, I won. We were getting ready to end the day when she took me into this large office, with a few people I recognized, sat me down and offered me an internship with Dillard's! For real!!!!! She didn't offer it to me, but she asked me to apply for it. She said that the store manager, my department manager, the woman who interviewed me, and herself have all talked and want me to apply for it!!!!!!!!!! (At this moment I'm jumping in my seat with joy, but trying not to show it) She said they only ask 3 employees a summer to apply for it and I have to go through an interview process, but they really want me to apply. I would get college credit (!!!!!!), at least 40 hrs/week, and work directly with the store manager, in each department, the marketing and advertisement team, and get to work with the store manager in the home store!!!!!!!!!! This is my ideal job. I LOVE retail...i love commission....i LOVE fashion...and I wouldn't mind having some authority!!!!! I'm killer happy. I won't do this for the rest of my life, because it isn't a strong job (you don't make that much and you aren't promised your job). But for the summer, fuck yeah! fucking right! damn-mother-fucking-straight! I'm really happy!!!! wow.... ok...ttyl

sharpest_nail @ 2006-03-24T14:49:00

2006-03-24T21:01:13Z

It's friday. Both my classes were canceled and I drove to school for nothing, life sucks. Things going on tonight??

1. Alisha's parents are out of town and she's having a party, which means drinking alcohol and NO smoking.

2. My Uncle is having a fish fry

I will not be attending either. If I cannot smoke while I drink, I will not fully enjoy it, so I'm not going. I don't feel like being preached about my bad habits. ( my "poor" choice in shoes and my smoking, I've really had enough. I'm not desperate for friends and I refuse to punish myself in that manner any longer. You will not make fun of my fashion sense when it is correct and being practiced in many large cities. I refuse to suffer from the horrible sense of humor these hicks have, I am much better than that. Fuck you, damn republican-bush-loving-non-smoking-christians) Have you ever heard of VOGUE????????

And I am not going to the fish fry, because I hate fish. I hate the smell of fish, the look, the way people eat it, and I want to go out to eat.

Solution? I will be going out by myself again. Dinner and a movie.

I highly suggest that you try it some time. It makes you humble and appreciate the few friends that you have. Another reason why I cannot wait until the summer. yeah.

It's party time in Iowa!

2006-03-21T18:58:28Z

I went home for Spring Break! I had a lot of fun. I hung out with DJ and Andy a lot.....and saw Joey...and worked at Steak N Shake. It was a lot of fun. I miss everyone! And I love you all! Ma, I will be back and we'll spend a lot of time together, I promise!

I spent a lot of time with my family. Friday, my parents and I went out for lunch and it was great. I finally told my father my major and he let me in on a little secret.

My family is moving. They are moving to Iowa! The VP of Fed Ex called my father for a second time and asked him to take this amazing job. He has accepted. He's leaving at the end of May and everyone else is moving in August. It is an opportunity of a life time, it will launch him into big success with Fed ex, and I'm happy for him. He started at the very bottom, and his career is finally taking off. I'm so proud of him.

The only bad thing?! My family will be 15 hours away from me. It might sound great, but I never wanted that. It means, if I have a problem....they can't drive down asap to help me. And when I go home? I'll be flying.. which I don't mind, but no car when I go "home" and no friends. (and it won't be my home.. I won't have a room or anything...it's really hard to accept) Just family, which is cool....but I have no reason to go back to North Central Illinois. I will probably lose contact with most h/s friends... I hope not, but it will be very hard. I will be officially cut off from my family. I will have no one here. Except for my extended family, and I hardly know them. It's hard to take in.

But... I could move with them and go to school in Iowa. I'm not going to. I'm not going to transfer again...and John A. and SIU are looking to be a perfect match for me and for my major.

I'm worried about Will. He has never moved...he's been in the same school since pre-school. Dylan, Kyle, and myself? We've moved so many times we are totally fine. We can meet people with no problem. (We've moved 9 times) It's going to be difficult for Will and he does NOT want to move. Oh well. My parents are leaving and he's coming with them. He'll be ok.

I got a job! I applied yesterday and was hired on the spot. Damn straight. (I've mastered the interview process) And I have perfect grades and school is a dream come true. I love it. I have amazing teachers who care, it really helps.

I guess....my mother was right? 2006 is my year. ha.

sharpest_nail @ 2006-03-04T18:01:00

2006-03-02T23:02:24Z

I have read something so disturbing. I'm reading "Don't Eat This Book: Fast Food and the Supersizing of America" by Morgan Spurlock. This is a story from his book:

“A message posted on my site that should be filed under “Why I’ll never Eat McDonald’s Food Again” Stories:

I used to work in a funeral home, and one night I was down in the morgue when I was summoned to the crematorium. When I got there, I saw the embalmer standing in the door of the crematorium holding a fire extinguisher. As soon as he saw me, he told me to run back downstairs and grab some sheets or hospital gowns. So as I’m heading downstairs I feel strangely hungry, which is not a feeling you usually get working in a funeral home. I grab a stack of hospital gowns and run back to the crematorium.

What happened was that this morbidly obese gentleman was so big that his fat was melting off faster than the machine could burn it up. Having worked in a funeral home a while, I have smelled some hellacious things and know it helps to not pay attention to what I am smelling. But this actually smelled…familiar, and slightly appetizing. As I was walking out of the crematorium, I realized exactly what it smelled like: all the melted human fat smelled exactly like the inside of McDonald’s.”

Ick.

DAMN YOU

2006-02-28T22:17:23Z

Today is the second time I have had trouble with John A. Logan College.

So far I have found out I qualify for financial aid if:

I'm married
I have a kid
I'm over 24 and going back to school!
I'm a veteran

In my case, I am NONE of those...and I'm being punished for that!

FAFSA thinks if you're under 24.....your parents are paying for your college and there is no way around it. But you see, there is a way around it, but the women at the financial aid office are mean and will not tell me. So I am going every day until April 24 and speaking to someone until they will tell me how to work around this. (That is the great thing about the US, there are always loop holes!) And Rose Ann thought it was so sad that my parents weren't helping me with school....and asked why they weren't. Oh...I forgot...it's her right to know. No it isn't. And it isn't bad that your parents don't help you with school.......it's the only way I'll go and work hard. Wow.

-p-i-s-e-d girl..

sharpest_nail @ 2006-02-24T11:26:00

2006-02-24T17:22:06Z

Yesterday I had a serious case of Spring Fever...it was horrible. So...I went to the mall and bought a new outfit. and I bought Vogue...glamour...and Harpers Bazaar...oh..I love spring! Things you need for Spring 2006:

Wedges
Flats
Full skirts
Big Belts
Extra wide leg pants
Bermuda shorts (now they are more wearable!)
Bright colors and crazy patterns
Wear black and brown together! (hahaha! DJ...Vogue has a full article on black and brown!)

I dunno.....it rocks!

I know I sound really stupid, but I love fashion....and no one here has fashion at all. Except for Tilley (She's from Washington state and her style is punk...west coast kinda thing..totally different from me, but kick ass.) and I feel it is demanded of me to be updated.

Fuck it... I need a job...and really hard classes...I'm so bored.

YAY to next friday!!!!!!! Parents are coming down for the big day!

Moving on......

2006-02-21T20:53:02Z

So I went to Miliken for a few days this weekend to see Cole. It was a lot of fun.....and I didn't get lost! SCORE!

I've come to realize this is my home. Southern Illinois is my home now. I've never looked at it that way until people asked me where I was from and such. It was weird. I dunno.

My b-day is next friday and my parents are coming down to celebrate with me. We're going out and getting a few drinks! It's so weird to drink with my parents. I guess it really means I'm an adult. ahhhhh. Not yet!

The love of my life is hated by everyone. And I have to wait a long long long time to finally live with him. Poor Jackson Dean Beavers! It might sound weird, but I miss him the most. (you can't understand unless you have a dog of your own, he's like my child.) Oh well! It's a damn dog, I'm over it.

So I'll be 20....my brothers graduate high school in a few months. Joey graduates in a few months...and he's moving to Florida...DJ and Andy are moving to Chicago..Alyssa's in Chicago..Cole is staying at Miliken this summer..I'm living in Springfield/Carbondale...David lives in Germany and will be in Iraq soon...and my parents are trying to relocate. Everyone's moving away!!!!! I'll be living on my own with my bff...and I'm in college. Wow. 2006 is my year. (hahaha, inside joke) And everyone is trying to establish their lives. I'll be 30 in ten years. Oh God. I need a drink.

sharpest_nail @ 2006-02-09T15:51:00

2006-02-09T21:39:50Z

I'm coming home for Spring Break. YEAH!!!!!!!!!

Cheers... to old friends!

2006-02-05T06:36:12Z

I took 2 sleeping pills an hour ago and I'm still awake. (I went outside to smoke and I think the cold air woke me up.)

I called Dj last night...the first thing he said to me? Ready to move in yet?! HAHAHA!

He's so funny. And he's gone crazy. He bought a 'bunny', well, him and Andy. They're moving to Chicago in August and I'm tempted to go. It's nice here....but not for me. I need the city....the culture....the single people!!!!!! And the accent!!! I want my friends here. MY FRIENDS. My non-judgemental, cool, stylish, smart, non-religious friends with me. I miss them. I'm almost to the point when I am tempted to do things by myself. Dinner for one, one for (movie). I can't do it. I've never had to do it!!!!!! I've met people, lots! THey are just not my type of people. I always leave early.....I can never smoke in front of them.....no cursing...no dirty jokes! Then again I'm not giving anyone a chance. Not even my bff from 2nd grade! I just keep telling myself it is only until May...then I'm gone. Everyone is different here. 6 hrs away from home........still in the same state and the people aren't even legal and they're getting married! ((Now I realize why we moved. Thank God. I could be engaged! ick.)

Fuck it.

I will NOT give up. I never have.

Old friends that I have left behind.....I love you. I miss you. and smoke one for me!

New friends? pull the dildo from your ass and lighten the fuck up.

I think it's time for another cigarette. It's so fucking cold outside!!! *Must get a place where you can smoke inside...if not?! Oooooooooops, I never knew!*

And I love Tom Petty!!!! I'm moving to CHicago. Fuck it.

Scream it if you mean it!

2006-02-01T02:49:12Z

Do I have a sign around my neck that says, "SINGLE! She needs a date, set her up!" ????

All of my new "friends" are with someone...or shall I say married?! Every single one of them! And all of a sudden they are all trying to set me up with someone. At first I was totally up for it, now I'm rethinking. I can meet someone on my own..I just don't want to...yet.

I had a great day today.....I worked out! I did an hour of laps in the pool and then I did some cardio. It felt amazing. I had an entermission between the two work outs... I went to the 'locker room' and showered and sat in the sona. It was an experience. I met the most amazing women in the whole world, she is awesome. I walked into the sona with my eyes closed, in a matter of speaking. Everyone in there was retired.....and naked. WHOA! Have you ever been surrounded by old tits? It wasn't a nice imagine..ick. All of the women got excited when I entered...a young girl was with them! Youth! There was a lot of small talk and then this woman named Mary Ellen started talking to me. From our conversation I took this in:

Enjoy being young. If Mary Ellen could do one thing differently....she would have had more sex.

Mary Ellen is my new favorite person. I also met this cool girl named Tilley. She's from Washington... (Where am I finding all of these Washington state friends??! And why are they in Southern Illinois?!)

So my weekend is filled with double dates...who happen to be strong Bible beaters....and hate drinking and smoking. F-U-N! (Don't knock it, til you've tried it) What shall I do?! Only a few more months and I'll be with my bff...and then when I come back my brothers will be with me! It's something to look forward to.

I'm wearing a mini skirt and my Jesus shirt tomorrow. I'm taking a stand. And I'm wearing a mini skirt?! The first in a while.....should be F-U-N!

WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUAL CONTENT!

2006-01-31T03:46:04Z

I was talking to Cousin Sarah today....she's 24- almost 25... we were talking about life and a friend of hers called...her boyfriend broke up with her. Her boyfriend of 7.5 years..how did he break up with her? On the phone. ON THE PHONE! They're over. 7.5 years together and he breaks up with her over the phone. Cousin Sarah has never known her friend single. Never. She then brought up the point that she was going to get to know a new friend....her new single friend. That makes you think. Is everyone different when they are single. with someone. recovering after a break (also known as the slut version). depressed. ???? Then I thought of my friend Julie. She's a good catholic girl that discovered sex. In high school she started dating some guy...they were together for 2 years and then he broke up with her. Now when ever I mention that I'm friends with Julie the person says, "Isn't she a big slut now?!" I respond, "Well....if you think a slut is someone that enjoys sex with a different guy each night- than yeah. I guess she is." (True conversation...at sns.) Is she? What is a slut?! If enjoying sex with a different guy once in a while than she is.....(I remember she called me up and told me she's on Girls Gone Wild! *Spring break her freshman year of college!) I saw her a few days ago...she's gained a lot of weight, I was warned, I didn't think anything of it, but she has gained A LOT of weight. She has to be depressed. I mean, what girl is happy with a one night stand? I don't know anyone! Can't a girl just have sex with different guys to try something new?! Like test driving a car! You test drive it.....some you like...some you don't like. Sex with different guys is like test driving a car....you're trying to figure out what you like...how you like it. It's totally normal. The problem is taking away all emotions. Sex, making love, fucking, some say it's different. If you can take away the emotions and not spoon afterwards than it's a do. Is it better? Hell. DO NOT HAVE SEX.. IT'S SAFE THAT WAY

My main thing was...are people different when they are with someone and when they are single? I would have to say...yeah.

Also....it is not fair to pass judgement on people.

All for ONE cigarette. I need to quit.

2006-01-30T02:44:55Z

hmmmmm..... what did I do today?! What a question!

I got up early and I was getting ready for church. Since it takes forever to get ready, I thought I would treat myself to a cigarette!

I was locked out of the house....in my underwear, basically. From 9am-4pm. No joke.

7 hours outside in my underwear for one FUCKING!!! cigarette. I'm still trying to recover. And guess what?! There is an extra key...and I totally looked where it was hidden and I didn't find it.

Thank God it was hot today.

Fuck SI.....and Fuck smoking.

My new BFF! Me and Grandma

2006-01-27T05:27:36Z

It's movie review time!!! Grandma and I rented movies (Actually I rented them).

monster in law with Jane Fonda...and that Latino slut...the one with the big butt?! Oh! Jenny from the Block! Or Bronx?!

There were two great things about the movie.
1. Jane Fonda- she rocks.
2. Jenny from the Block/Bronx's best friend was gay- and he had a shirt that said, "Your next sugar daddy" it made my day.

I hate j.lo, but it was ok.

I realized a few things today. I realized that a lot of people only own mirrors that show the top half of their bodies......and those people don't own a tv.....it's sad. Something that just happens to be worse?! They go out in public in these crazy outfits and don't realize it's not 1982...and that DOES NOT MATCH!!! IT DOES NOT FIT!! YOU LOOK HORRIBLE! I thought every woman in the world watched Oprah?! What the hell?! Sorry....I HAD to go to Wal-mart.. AND I had to wait in line to return something...I was forced to see these disturbing images....Thank God for a camera phone! haha!

Working out really makes you feel better.

I have to get my tattoo re-done....and my childhood best friend wants to come with me....when asked why she said, "I've never seen anyone get a tattoo! You know, God frowns on that." ME: "God also doesn't like it when you have sex with your boyfriend! OUCH!" Gotta love those judgemental Bible beaters!

One more thing....
Privacy....what is it?
Just a quick shout out.....I cannot tell you this in person b/c besides my parents I'm deathly afraid of you.

G-ma... I love ya! Really I do. But to save a lot of heart ache...how about stay out of my private things! Don't wanna find anything else that might 'hurt' you!

Or I'll just lock all of those things in my car. You see?! I can't even type it....damn that woman.

SNS- my hell on earth...

2006-01-22T07:25:36Z

IMPORTANT!!!!

If you get a 14 on ur ACT you shouldn't brag about that! That's bad. A monkey can take that test and get a 12.

I started working at Steak N Shake here. It's ok. My first night was Friday night....mistake?! I got home at 2am and I was tired. I mean my whole body hurt....and I smelled! That has never happened when I've been serving...I got 2 numbers (both fat and ugly-no thanks!) 2 $10 tips... and I made about $20/hr....not bad for sns! The service "team" is awesome they get my sense of humor and they all smoke!!! A lot! (which means a smoke break at least once every hour- always nice)

I finally figured out why I smoke..stress and nerves! So I need to stop getting so nervous, which is kinda hard....b/c I know no one...and everything I do I'm basically by myself...and nervous. And the stress? Try serving...then add a place where the average person's meal is $6-10...and everyone is white trash, old people, or small children. (The small children only remind me of how much I DO NOT want kids!!!!!) Whatever...that's why I'm in college?! So I will never let myself be a server for the rest of my life. GO COLLEGE!

Back to sns...the managers are idoits. That's so nice! I can totally out smart them and they won't know what hit them! Really..not kidding. At first I was really pissed about it, now I don't mind! I talked to my old GM and he said the further south you- the dumber they get! Always good. I love working for dumb people! Well....I'm working a little too much, so I had to talk to them about it- this is where it rocks that they are dumb- they said what ever will make me happy! No kidding! Life is good. I'm on overload with school, but it's only until March 20th. (Most of my classes are only 8 weeks long) Meeting tons of people and I'm having a blast. I'm going out a lot, but I'm not drinking....saving that for Spring break!! And my family is coming down for my birthday weekend!!!! I'm killer excited!!!!! I miss them a lot and I'm trying to convince Dylan and Kyle that they need to move down here....I think it might happen! I have nothing else.

To Shayla...let's get a few things staight....

2006-01-18T05:11:34Z

Dear Shayla,

Let me start out by saying...in some way I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you didn't realize how I work. When I hear something really funny I tend to tell the story at family gatherings and when I'm with my friends, and we laugh very hard at the story and thank the good Lord that we are not as dumb.
When you go to a party and get very drunk and tell everyone that you're pregnant, and then later while you're throwing up tell ME that you have just thrown up your baby....I'm going to tell the story. For two reasons:
1. You don't hear it everyday....
2. I don't like you, you've been nothing but mean to me and when you say something like that- it gives me fuel..and makes me feel better about myself. (yes, I'm still a girl *bitch*, I gossip..and I can be a bitch)

I can see you sitting there with no clue. It's ok.....I will go step by step on how we will never be "BFF!"

1. The first night I met you you called me a 24 cent whore. Fuck you.

2. Then you took your fat ass and claimed that you were going to sleep in DJ's bed that night. (Aub and I had dibs...and you had not earned the right to sleep in his bed... you fat bitch)

3. You attempted to turn DJ and I against each other...Fuck you again.

4. You're really ugly. I don't usually hang out with ugly people....unless they have an amazing personality.

5. You don't have an amazing personality. You're not funny. You're a heartless bitch.

6. You give fag hags a bad rep. There are two types of Fag hags A.) they are usually pretty and very stylish and hang out with the gays b/c we like them. B.) The fat ugly ones..the ones who cannot get a boyfriend....and the only guys you attrack are the outcast gays. (You are in the B group.)

7. I feel really sorry for you and I don't hang out with people I feel sorry for.

There ya go. I laid it out for you. I know you really hate me right now....that's fine. Let me say one last thing. Don't fuck with me. I have been stepped on a lot in my life and I'm done. You have never met a bitch until you have tried to fight with me. I will take you down. With one phone call I can turn your life upside down- I can ruin it. You fuck me, honey I'll fuck you harder.

Have a great day hun! And thanks for reading this...it was really nice to get everything out without having to talk to you! And congrats on calling yourself "the ILLINOIS VALLEY FAG HAG OF THE YEAR 2005!" Must be a real honor. It's very sad.

And....I still cannot believe you said you threw up your baby! That will always be a classic story- I owe ya one! Maybe next time don't drink that much and tell your enemy something that stupid!!!!!!

Love ya!

Meg

sharpest_nail @ 2006-01-17T00:59:00

2006-01-17T07:40:25Z

I've been having a fun few days. I went to the Bethel's house for dinner Saturday night and had a blast. (the bethels are close family friends) It was nice to hang out with them and talk about old times and the family. It was perfect timing...because I was feeling really home sick.

Went to church on Sunday and it was interesting. When I was in high school I would go to a church camp every summer..we would go to Dayton, Tenn. and stay at Brian College. The whole week would be a revival with tons of high school kids- it rocked. Church feels that way. I love it. It's nice to hear good service! I met a few people and I'm havin dinner tonight with one of them, Emily. She has already been so nice and I really want to get to know her...so we;re having dinner.

Grandma, Cheryl (my aunt-dad's older sister), and I went to Carbondale to see Walk the Line- which is amazing. If you haven't seen it please do yourself a favor and see it!!!! It rocks! Then I was invited to a girls night out with my 24 y/o cousin Sarah (who I've never really hung out with- I was too young to hang out with her when we use to live here...) and (her younger brother's girlfriend. Ben's a year older than me)Amanda. We had a blast. We ended up in Carbondale at a bar and I had a nice buzz goin on. It was so nice to hang out with Sarah, Ben, and Amanda. They remind me of my family and it was really helped with missing everyone. The best part is.....Sarah and I look a lot alike and I have a fake! YES!

Something killer weird?! So my grandma has 4 kids. The girl is the oldest..and she has three boys. Same with my family and Sarah's family. Isn't that weird?! Crazy.

All in all I love it down here. It's home. I'm happy that I made the move. School starts on Wednesday and I cannot wait.

Kyle and Vanessa are taking a break. Thoughts?

My bad day. And it's not even 10am....

2006-01-09T16:20:08Z

I'm having a bad day. When I say I'm having a bad day.......I mean bad. I've cried three times...... and I want to cry again.

All of my anger goes to Illinois Valley Community College and John A. Logan College.

It all started out when I woke up at 6am to go to John A to register for classes. I arrived at John A at 7:50am and was one of the first students in line to register. At 8am, a woman told me they did not have my transcripts and I would have to get those before I could register. (This is where I get a little mad)

I call Ivcc and they tell me they sent my (one) FREE transcript on the 3rd and John A should have it ( of course not.because that would be easy- that's how it's suppose to work.... so I don't have to have a heart attack from all the fucking stress) if not I would have to pay ten fucking dollars for another transcript to be faxed to them. OH MOTHER FUCKER! (This is where I get mad)

My phone dies. FUCK FUCK FUCK. @%^&%#^^&#!!!!!!!!!

I have to use a pay phone now..... FUCK FUCK FUCK! I can't figure out how the hell to work the damn pay phone (after reading the directions and asking for assistance)

Then I find a nice person who lets me use their office phone, but they have a half-wit girl-who still has braces......trying to dial the number...it's busy.

I am forced to walk to the 'mail room' where I should be able to use their phone and fax machine.....

The nice black man tells me I can't without an instructor. (Which I can totally do- I know all the instructors there and they would be more than happy to help me out. FUCK NO! I'm trying to transfer!!!!!!!! I don't know ANYONE!)

I decide to leave. I get into my car and cry for ten minutes. Then I get lost in the fucking parking lot.....then light a well-deserved cigarette.

I drive to the public library. (By the way- my phone is totally dead....and I'll I want to do is call my mother.)

I can't use their phone to call an IVCC cashier to pay the ten fucking dollars so I can get my fucking transcript faxed to fucking John A Logan College. I started crying....and then I begged them to PLEASE let me use their phone and offered them $5.00 for one fucking call to IVCC. They say NO.

So I drive to Alisha's house. I'm crying and upset and her parents answer the door. (They think someone has died.......) They let me use their phone to call the fucking IVCC cashier to pay ten fucking dollars for a stupid transcript so I can fucking go to fucking John A.

After a half pack of cigarettes, a quarter of a tank of gas wasted, and enough tears to last me a year of bad PMS I am at the public library waiting (almost an hour) for my fucking transcripts to be faxed here.

FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! I hate my life right now and all those fucking women who suck ass. I mean I am about to spend all of my hard earned money to go to their fucking school and they could give two shits....... And IVCC???!!!!!! Fuck them. They don't care that I have things to do today and don't have time to wait around for them to fax my transcripts. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope my days get better....

sharpest_nail @ 2006-01-07T10:47:00

2006-01-07T16:56:25Z

So I've quit smoking. hahaha! I haven't smoked since I got here....well I had one this morning and it was disgusting. I've decided I don't want to anymore....and I feel a lot healthier- imagine that?!

So tonight I'm going out with some old friends. I was really nervous, but I'm excited. A lot of the people I've never really hung out with, but I called Alisha and we talked for an hour! She was in total shock that I moved down. I was so scared to call her, because last time I hung out with her she was sooooo weird! It wasn't the same Alisha I remembered. Then again, we were best friends when we were younger- like 12 and 13.... I realized I've grown up a lot and changed and she has too and we have to start over. SO I'm excited to see her and just hang out with everyone. And tomorrow I'm going to church! YES! A real southern baptist church.....where they preach from the bible....and there are a ton of college kids I can socialize with!

I'm happy. Really happy. For the first time in forever. It just feels so right. haha. I don't know how to act! This is to a new beginning......new friends......a new me!

I'm here!!!

2006-01-05T23:52:23Z

I'm in Southern Illinois. haha. It's still a little weird. I got here yesterday afternoon. It took me three hours (suppose to take 5, but I felt the need for speed!). My grandma rocks. Really. She's not like my other one- Pearl. Pearl is hip and cool, loves to curse, has so much plastic surgery she looks like my older sister, and is always gone. (Not a real grandma) I talked to grandma (sartin- the one I live with) for 4.5 hours yesterday. It was awesome. I told myself I wanted to go to school here and that's why I moved here- but it's not. (ok, it kinda is- I was never going back to IVCC) I wanted to get to know her.... I want to get to know my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins.... I want that sense of an extended family. That's why I really moved here. And I had to get away from that enviroment I was living in. (don't tell anyone! shhhh!) I was really unhappy there. Everything is different in the 'south'. People are NICE! They are really nice..not being fake! The weather rocks- it so hot! Gas is insane...$2.30- ick. I love it. I'm comfortable. And everything is right. For the first time, everything is working out.

Damn......I'm gonna start crying again! hahaha. I miss everyone.......Aubra, DJ, Andy, Joey, Josh, Freddy, Jackson, Dylan, Kyle, Will, Dad..and most of all- Mom. Oh well! I had to move out sometime.

I love you!